somehow i felt foolish,
foolish of exposing wadevr i feel to you,
foolish of knowing wadever u are going to tell me and whichever options u are choosing, and yet i still foolishly think that u might understand wad i want,
or give me wad i want.
i foolishly rejected when u nearly receeded,cause i think u are being forced.
i foolishly give up on my hope becos u have ur plans.

and i still foolishly think that with my results now i can get to dp.
u think i can.
i jolly well know that i cant.

why bother being foolish thinkin and going through so much stuff.
end up i still suffer.
blahhh.
my post shld be more cheerful.
i've to find my way to.

one sentence to sum up everything

" wait, and leave it to fate"

---------
its sth i want yet i cant get

even if i can get it,

its not going to be near future.

i meant for everything.

everything that i mentioned.
========

okaeeee 4 more days..
im missing you loads.
wakaka have been talking to u on phone these days.
like e good old days.
cant wait to hug and kiss u always.
indigestion nausea as usual
i hate this feeling la.
sucks.
jus finish the things that have to hand in tml
gonna pack things soon.
<3
---
i feel kinda upset.
u wan me on friday,
i help u on friday,
now u wan me to switch weekends.
i switch weekends.
i dun seems to have a choice myself.
maybe like always i seemed to be an easy going person
or is it becos u prefer her more than me.
kinda makes me wonder alot.
------
hmm as for bf,
i dunno how to tell you how i feel or
wad i want.
cos i jolly well noes that wad i want is
sth we cannot afford
sth we wuldnt be doing
sth we are not gonna do in yrs to come,
sth not easy
its a long term thing,
it jus seems so impossible to me
and yet how wuld i convince u when it sounds so impossible to me
after days of thinking.
and how wuld i convince myself to tell u or talk to you about it,
when i jolly well noe wadever u are gonna tell me and whichever options u choosing.
i know it, yet why cant i let it go.
argh.
-------
next, im getting tired of studying.
idk is sp that fast paced or my life very fast paced,
or i really lose the passion and interest in studying
and i need some time to rest and carry on later.
but i just dun think time allows me to do so,
so wad if i dun study wad am i gonna do using that time.
i dun noe either.
so wad shld i do,
im like tiring out,
life in school seems so draining.
not becos of the competition not becos of the people,
becos my attitude isnt right, my heart and mind is not there.
i just dun feel like keep running in this race, i feel like sit down and rest,
before i can pace myself and run again.
i used to give all out in studies so as to not disappoint anione,
so as to give myself a stable job in e future,
but now i reallie think i need soem rest,
need to change my life and slow down my pace
but still , u think its posssible?
i dun think so
i dun believe in it myself,
i noe it sounds contradicting.
but hey, reality is so cruel okae,
once u stop its like u are behind pple,
and how will pple look at u,
and u think anione beside me allows me to do this for an invalid reason?
sigh
-----
life seems to be back to the down down down fallll....
i neeed a little breather,
i need to rest,
i wan to think abt stuff,
and do the things i wan to do,
instead of work study sleep eat.
i hate that.

okae fine. its 6 more days.
went to get my hair extn done.
like !@#@@!$%$&$#Q years.
went shopping with clare
sort of productive as in i get clothes for the rest of the mth.
why arent u calling my boyyyy,.
reallie worrying me
idk why whenever i just dun feel that good or life isnt that good
u are always not ard and always nt appearing.
argh.
hais.
i hope hes not running away frm me becos of ytd's qn.
aniwae.
as usual im tired.

a week more to go
wakaka. im missing u loads.
okae overall school stuff making me crazy
sometimes just feel that life have been too fast paced
i need sometime to sit down and think abt wad i want and do things that i wan to do
life have been revolving ard work and sch too much
guess before that was bf
suddenly i feel that i need some time for myself.
i need to enjoy this life and time that i have.
and share it with my frens too.
since bf is away im trying find some time for myself.
<3
im getting sleepy and tired easily
awwww.
yawns

<3
okae 8 days to go one week past.
wakakaka.
i miss you loads.
keeping myself occupied with stuff to do.
im still very tired
i srsly dunno whyyyy.
medicine has been making me feel a little better
but still it sucks.
when i stop taking its there again
haissss.......
muacks. to dear.
take care

im aching frm heart in a way.
not becos u made me angry or i miss you too much cos u are not ard.
bt becos of d,
if i haventget to fb and see your profile i'll never noe.
i hope im paranoid,
many "Why" in my heart.
dint u promise me u wun be contacting her.
den why wuld she be in your frens list.
i do wonder.
=/

9 days to go... hahahaha..
SINGLE DIGIT like FINALLY.

i miss you loadsss
muackkksss.
im sleepy tonight..
<3

okae its been the 6th day u are awayyyss..
i m missing you alot still esp when i see couples so close in e mrt,
it does remind me of the days we hadd.
i'm tired today shagggg.
sleepy.
got back my results i think overall better than i expected,
pacc 91
mob 80
but still saddening
pacc shld get better de lorrrrrrr..
=(
okae my appetite getting worseeee
cant even finish my sandwich today
and wads more its whole meal grain breaddd..
argh i dun wanna be underweight okae.
losing track on wad i wanna say
cos im watching fa zheng...
hahaa
bye

okae lets see...
its like5 days since you are away...
i'missing you like mad.
today everything seems a breeze to meeeee...
except for e freaking gastrics.
all i can say im busy busy busy today.
almost fell asleep at yeo's( doesnt mean im slacking or nobody there)
just that im too tired.
itab classrm sucks la. make me feel so drrrryyy
i cant open my eyes and i start sneezing.
flu is killing me
like i've said many times, flu vaccine wun work okae.
training to flatten my stomach these days and take on advice on what to eat more and what not to eat. but my wholemeal grain bread totally wasted by the fried sweet potato and starchy rice for dinner
-,-
sians.
i wasnt able to me BA also
im missing them like effing maddd.
though talked to clare and eileen but still..
im misssing them.
at least i managed talking to dear on phone for quite a while.
missing him loads.
ughughuhg
i really cant wait to see you alrights. beloved botak.
haha.
im in a good mood today, at least for the unexpected modules i scored well...
ITAB 83
STATS 72
but im still=(
cos of econs.
i put in so much effort and there it goes.
hais.
my health seriously getting worse,
have totally no idea why my gastric is worsening.
and for goodness sake i take med on and off when i needed it.
and i dont skip meals, i at least eat sth in e morning.
i avoid alot of i noe i cant eat stuff.

low appetite, insomia,
nausea, whenever i wake up gastric comesssss......
pricking aching sensation in e stomach
thanks ah.
i hate it.

i gonna go running this wed, duncare la
i really wanna keep fit.
may god bless me .
hahhaa.

kpo-ing alot of strangers blog.
seeing alot of sweet stuff,
but i believe theres like alot of bitter stuff i havent been seeing.
yea,

im going off to bed or maybe dragonica for a whileeee.
sleeeeeepppppyyyyy

I FEEL LIKE RUNNING AWAY FROM ITAB
IM LIKE SO SHAGGGGGG....
MY LIPS AND EYES ARE LIKE DAMN DRYYYYYY
SIANS.

ok 4th day.
i'm starting to miss you like crazy, kinda adapt to the little amt of msges and mins of talking but still whenever i hear ur voice i start bursting into tears.

went to buy cake and card for dearie's mummy, i was late, very late but luckily she's at home.
dunno,,, kinda when i go back to your place seeing your parents, i miss you real badly, i kind of try not to think abt it these days, but back to that familiar place with the familiar people, i start missing you alot alot. kinda on the verge of tears when your mum asked if you have called me.

received loads of your msges today, i really hope we can pull through these two months.i need you ard me badly.

hugs. muacks.

kinda lost track of wad to blog.

3rd day since beloved is in NS...
means around another 11 days to go...
=\

the few sms and a short conversations on phone meant so much to me these days.
before he went in to ns, missing his calls and sms seems so normal.
now i seems to treat his smses and phone calls like precious.

finally got myself some sleep after few days of "none- sleep" nights.
guess im finally feeling alittle more tired.
trying to make myself occupied with stuff, started reading other people's blog
playing some games and doing school work,
but still i miss him whenever i saw the pics we took.

i miss you badly alright
esp when im falling sick right now,
plus life isnt that good.

i feel like hugging you and crapping with you.
=\
misses.


------

badly badly badly....

absence make the hearts grow fonder..

imissbeloved badlyyy.
counting down to 13 more days.
life havent been that great.
i cant sleep well without you.
just feel so loser, when other people can face these two weeks so bravely
yet whenever i hear your voice i'll start crying ...
awww <3
---
i need to reorganise my life.
i need to be more brave.
i need to keep myself busy
i need to complete alot of stuff.
i need to hoax myself to sleep.
=X
i want to see your botak head soon alrighttts.