辽阔的海看不见边你说那才是你向往的天
沉默的我清楚看见平静之下有着隐藏的危险
无心的承诺说的随便
遥遥无期的永远是你坚持不变的信念
我的认真你总不在意
只想抛开所有的一切自由自在的飞
我跟爱妥协接受你坚持的信念
无路可退因为爱已不绝对
若是女人的心太野
就不能紧紧留在身边始终相随
我跟自己妥协放开你无忧的飞
没有选择只为爱太遥远
若是爱人的心不变
我又何必要无奈的妥协做痛苦的解决
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these days life have been very hectic, tired, busy, and lots more
on the verge of breaking down at least 2 times this week?
loads of stress overwhelming me yet i have nowhere to vent
r.s, cca, work
u've never get to know how much unhappiness i felt.
when i broke down into tears while working,
u will never noe , u were never there.
all i received frm u was
plenty and plenty of coldness and unhappiness
sometimes i just want to rest upon reaching home,
to u u jus wn me to do the impt things first,
probably emotions and everything have not came to ur life before,
maybe ur life have been too smooth sailing that u never fell into this patch before,
i just wan to rest and relax my mind.yet u'll get unhappie by this.
how contradicting our characters are.
when i just need a shoulder to lie on, u were never there
i dint tell u cos i noe u will never understand
i tried swallowing all the unhappiness i had.
yet i just cant control it.
i realise i just filled my life too much part of u
everything i consider is just u
and more u.
i spend my time with u, everything i think abt u.
u make my emotions goes up and down,
u make me going crazy,
i felt as if im being controlled.
suddenly awake.
maybe i shld start finding a direction of my life?
or maybe i shld take a rest frm now.
it has been like ages since i ever touch this blog.
i shall just blog a little to show that im alive.
was sick for the whole week :/
teerrribbbbblllleee~
school life has started. bboring lessons thou.
cheerleading is still so <3
havent been going trg for a long time.
scared i rusty liao.
life has been okok, though too much things happening to me at once.
suddenly i have a lost of direction.
for friends, i dun really have much really true friends, its definitely true that its hard to find someone to replace ur own bff. it's definitely not easy to find someone who truly understands and listen to ur woes.
work has been good, thou i always love to grumble abt all sorts of patients i have.
studies, i have nothing to say abt this, cos i dunno hows my results gonna be.
for goodness sake, i dislike my pt,i dun even get to see him often.
cca, kinda filled with uncertainty, i dunno whether to continue in cheerleading or try dancesport. dear didnt want to give me ani opinion cos he's opposing both.
despite the fact that everyone dun support me going cheerleading, i still go ahead.
bt when things starts piling up, im the one who swallow everything no matter if i feel inferior i feeel sad i feel tired or wadever, no one is there to support me or help me out. suddenly i feel so lost. does it really mean i have to give up what i wanted?
r.s,i'm lost in a way or two.
i still feel so unsafe no matter how u stop her from contacting u or what.
i just dun feel good enough. probably throughout the r.s that i had, my trust to the other half or rather boyfriend have been dropping. i dunno how to trust u. sometimes i feel so inconfident of myself. sometimes i just feel like letting u go, giving u up. because i just feel that im not good enough for u, im unable to mixed ard well with ur friends and family, i dun treat u well enough.
im not pretty, not intelligient, nor smart, i dun have a nice body figure or wadever.
sometimes i really do feel so lost, and with her appearance, with wadever u told me, i feel even more insecure, even more unsafe, i became so paranoid and emotional.
i start to doubt abt my abilities being a wonderful gf.
probably she can be someone better?
i cling on becos i always believe u are the one, yet i start contradicting myself due to wadever weakness i have.
friendship, again, i mentioned twice but probably different matter.
im not a tool, stop using me to get wadever u wan, i can try to help, but pls tok to me in a nice way, stop using me like a tool to get free books for u or wadever,look at ur attitude. stop taking advantage of me.
i know i can be very nice to people, but it doesnt mean u can just take advantage of me.
u wan me to help you, of cos i can, but pls let me feel that my work and wadever effort i put in is worth it.
another pt probably, i'm not something for u guys to mock about sacarstically.
i had enough of being an entertainment for u guys to mock at.
dont think i dun know what u all are talking abt.
pretned to care and stuff, for goodness sake, i just reply lol and stuff, doesnt mean i let u off, it just that i treat u as a friend and i dun wan to flare at u.
when i flare at u , u shld noe what will happen for our friendship.
i had enough of nonsense.
i jolly well know what are my abilities and things that is beyond my limits,
but it doesnt mean these are supposed to be things u can laugh at me with.
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overall, sometimes i dunno where to head i dunno who to talk to
maybe im just not a very nice friend a very nice gf and a very nice classmate.
sometimes i just feel so out of place, i feel so stress, i get emotional, i just totally dunno how to swallow so many problems happening in so many aspects of life at one time, alone.
sometimes i just feel like running away from whatever i have.
just do nothing just think abt nothing just stop feeling stress about aniting.
but yet i cant.
i have no much shelter for me to take a break from all these.
in short, i feel so breathless.
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that's life i guess.
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okae. it seems to be enough for today.
i'll cheer up, i'll stay strong.
