can u do something to me to make me stop thinking of it?
struggling~
give me the courage to phrase the words to u

i am gonna dozed off super soon..
something is bothering me
tell me why shld i bother abt tis
its getting me mad
i shant care
leave me alone
i just wannnnnnaaa sleeep
u stupid problem
stop revolving my mind...
i am gg crazy yet i dun haf e right person to talk to
rawrrrr

hehehe... i am lun's house blogging ... hahah i like his keyboard ... aw... why am i here? haha cos he's some how sick .. so i came and visit him after seeing john khoo's perfomance ... heeee he say its kinda horrble bt i think its alrite lar... hmmm took pics wid him ...yarr... shopped for e whole dae wid my beloved les and ah girl ... hehehe... long timenever go shopping liao .. bought nothing actuallie cos nt reallie in e moodto buy somethings...wadeevr ... heheheh... went yoshi after tt to collect my assesment books ...went esplanade just now bt in eend john's performance shifted to harbour front .. haha cabbed down tgt .. he's like abit dead cos he cant get used to the environment ... after tt mrted to lun's house and here am i .. blahahaha... kinda crappy now...
dun feel like blogging abt emotional stuff lar... bt here's abit abt it
-------------------------------
life haf been great occupying wid all things ...
i have him , tgt wid my les and peeps which i liked
same things peeps haf been popping out and going away frm my life
john khoo is an example lar...
he's zhao lin kor de sch mate and he's teaching my ex classmates
kinda see him everydae in sch lor ...
yar...
hmmm i wonder if ur life is as nice as me?
is aw pearline tt dae..
i wonder did u met her ...
u can try to talk to her again i guess
i think ive gotten over u
yup...
heard frm him u are okae...
i hope so
and dun smoke too much alrite?
aniwae hehehe ... <3 lun
bleahhhh

super lazy to count the number of posts... hahahha... yar... hmm life seems to better when i get my things to my control except for my stupid poor health ... cramps right start in e morning .. sian rite... some more its raining so cold... rawrrrr... hmm lazy to say too much things abt todae lar... hmm i just find john khoo resembles like jing quan .. aniwae nth much to sae abt him
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my dearest fren, i 've walked thru this before , i have made so much mistakes before , i know u know me well, i seems to be too harsh on u , i seems to be somehow overboard in my words, bt i care for u , i dun wish things to repeat its history ,i dun wan u to regret like me, guys are nt as sensitive ,he might nt knw what u are thinking and wad u want frm him , just give him some of his space , gain trust on him kae....my fren,
--------------------------------------------
this seems to be my clearest part of life where i see things clearly ,
wad i want an dwad i need
i prioritise my stuff alr,
i regret for the mistakes i made in r/s for the past few mths
nt saying tt i see wei kok wrongly ,
bt i guess we two started out too fast and ended it as fast
looked into the few yrs back ,
i met so much r/s
the one i cherished still stays in my mind, though i know its impossible animore,
the second one whom i cherished, i am sorry to hurt him too much tt i left him during the daes he needed me most,
the third one which is my first love and the onlie love tt i feel super sweet and perfect.. bt i guess we arent supposed to be together .
there are few which hated me a few which i stillcontact , a few tt still appearing in front of me ,
i haf made too many wrong choices twist and turn ,
looking back at it , i feel so foolish abt my immature acts
and while i see it happening to my closest ,
i cant stop them at all ..
or isit meant to be like tt so tt dey will realise like i do?
i hope so...
as for now, i am exploring my new future ,
will it lasts? its nt for me to say aniting cos life is so unpredictable
------------------------------------------------------
some false hopes stills applies in my life,
just tt i dun appear to care abt it ,
just tt u dun seems so obvious tt i can actuallie feel it ...
aniwae,
<3 lun like i alwaes do?
hehehehe

125th post le..
stayed at hm todae... was rather sick since ytd nite... feverish and stuff.. kinda rest alot todae .. i am still very tired.. headache is attacking me randomly larrr... zZZ .... dear was upset ytd when i tell him i am nt feeling well ... obviously he feels bad abt me bt nt his fault lar...stubbornly i still insisted on working .. wakakak.... missed my english test shall do it tml... hmmm have been meeting onto john khoo in sch like 3,4 times within one dae... haha ..its like so weird... zzzz.... hmmm other than that i guess life have been difficult for some of my fren. my colleague . kinda upset for her yet i cant do aniting ...mye is coming soon .. i wanna complete it so tt i can work peacefully without guilt ...
lalala
off i go *poof*
------------------------
everything i do i haf my reasons ,
i want it to be gd for u,
i lose my patience and temper,
cos i felt tt things i do are unappreciate by u
when i get tt attitude frm u .
cherish ur boi my girl
he's nt alwaes there for u to criticise or being said sth bad frm u
cherish it , dun wait till he leaves then u start regretting again .
------------------------------
i guess everything have regain its peacefulness
dun come mess up my life and leave me packing it again
no more complications in my r/s
-----------------------------
my boy, i am so touched by ur understanding
i wonder what can i do to make u happie
it seems so nice to have u ard
i misses u badly
i love u always
and ............
i definitely
wan if possible
to have my dearest
you by my side...<3<3<3
ew.... so mushy wkakakakaka.....

125th post i guessed... rawrrr i am flooded wid stuff to do .. feel like ponning sch tmlll... rawrrr.. trying to get more sleep giving myself more rest bt my sch work simply dun allow me lor... i am getting sick bt i cannot get sick ... if nt dear will worry , i will haf to be forced off my job cos dear dun like me to get sick becos of over working, and i'll haf to struggle my way thru tis period of time .. bt i guess even if i can take enuff rest i'll probably be dead by 5 daes out of 7 daes in a week i haf remedials... i am even more busy den a sec4 larrr. stupiddddd... kinda get bothered by stufff, to jun yan, i dun knw whether u read my blog bt gd luck to u having the one u love? =)
isit rite to sae tt? lols... conflicts coming up .. being caught in between .. i found out someone whom i seems to trust and believed he's a nice guy in e end i found him flirting wid my frens .. the one i scolded on blog ytd nite.. i am being carried by some stuff... people entering and leaving my life.. or rather more people entering .. like john khoo ... i dint knw he's actuallie zl's fren and i see him evrywhere saying hi to him ... and like jasper someone u peeps dun knw start calling my fone .. he's a rather chatty one .. bt avoided:P hehwhwhw.... getting lots of stuff in my life.. learning this and that tryign to apply .. my mind is making me focus on my wrk yet things are flooding ...
------------------
girl, i dun wanna throw temper on u give u attitude bt pls do the right thing at e right time so tt u can manage ur time properly . prioritise ur stuff .. dun do other subject stuff in the diff subject lesson ... this will makes ur work never ending . tt boy is still ur love , bt give thigns a limit trying to do well in ur studies also , dun let ur emotions affect it . i dun wanna see u stress when mye is here alrite... haha u shld knw who u are ... u are reading my blog...
for my loved colleague, dun stressed urself too much ..
for everyone ard me reading this blog, hehehe do ur best
---------------------------
for my beloved dear:
i cant help bt feel guilty cos i dun haf enuff time pei u ... everytime make u wait for me be it ending of work or wadever stufff... i am touched by ur patience ... i wanna care for u .. bt i seems to be restricted by my time ... i try to pei u more during my hols ... i wanna celebrate my bdae wid u can i? hahahahha ... hugs ... i love u loads .. i keep repeating this omg... hahah ...i am rather touched when i hear u saying u will be upset if i fall sick ... dun worry u alr give me enuff care just tt i dun haf enuff time for me to rest <3 u loads

its 124th post alr...
havent been updating my blog frequently.. my frens ard me starts complaining and here am i ..
wkakaka... recently seems to be overtiring myself i guessed... due to carnival .. yar havent been sleeping well enough for the whole week... either this perfectionist working on her perfect zuowen and its multiple ones... or doing all e hwk in order to clear the accumulating ones...
yarr.. and no afternoon naps either tuition , remedials, and carnival stuff replacing it .. sleep late nights nt enuff hrs of sleep den morning wak eup again keep accumulating .. fridae came hm sleep awhile yet i over slept ... panadol saved my dae i guess.. plus my super uber nice manager tt treated me the medicine chicken soup she cook reallie wake me up.. haha she's a great cook and a lovable manager reached hm at 11 going 12 .. dear dear sent me hm .. how nice of him .. haha den saturdae woke up rather very early .. kind of late i guessed.. watch e speech dae parade very cool lar.. den start the carnival.. in between there's lots of things happened lar... bt my enegy level is like so low all e time due to the lack of sleep .. den rushed to yoshi .. kinda tired the whole shift...i slept at 12 and woke up 3 pm todae ... reallie tired .,.. nt feelign well either... kinda dead ...i hope tml dun give me too much tiredness or else i'll prbably fall sick liao ...
rawwwrrrr... wadever.. kind of angry wid some one .. nt my dear nt some one i scolded in e blog bt other guy... u can flirt wid anyone bt nt my fren ... HELLO... u hurt one and now u wanna hurt the other .. u think wad girls ur toy isit .. u can flirt and play den in e end dump like rubbish . u wanna play play wid others nt within my frens limit ... its the last warning i supposed ... or else ... i wun be nic eto u.... get off!

alrite.. its alr 12:29 on my comp... hmm nice number 123th post...
quite a hectic week i haf ... almost everydae flooded wid hwk .. janet tan sick everybody's getting sick too.. aniwae.. haha yar.. gave up on having afternoon nap every dae... now onlie once a week bahhh.. bt i am nt as lack of sleep like sin yee slept 2 periods in the class so guang ming zhen da some more.. haha...kinda tired .. todae helped out for the carnival banner .. had fun at my hse drawing the banner.. kinda tired after tt... pissed off by my mum .. wadeva... i seems to neglect my dear lor... siann... i misses himmm kinda guilty

alrite.. its alr 12:29 on my comp... hmm nice number 123th post...
quite a hectic week i haf ... almost everydae flooded wid hwk .. janet tan sick everybody's getting sick too.. aniwae.. haha yar.. gave up on having afternoon nap every dae... now onlie once a week bahhh.. bt i am nt as lack of sleep like sin yee slept 2 periods in the class so guang ming zhen da some more.. haha...kinda tired .. todae helped out for the carnival banner .. had fun at my hse drawing the banner.. kinda tired after tt... pissed off by my mum .. wadeva... i seems to neglect my dear lor... siann... i misses himmm kinda guilty

i guessed.. 121th post... loads happened within weeks .. kinda lazy to update in details... went down to watched leng kee bball match their last match.. it looks weird cos two of them are my ex and few of them quite close wid... they won haha so happie for them .. bt sad .. kian guan , zhi yong stepping down wid some of them also .. kinda sad .. aw... talked to zy just now .. kinda weird ... yar... think me and him just be frens is reallie better .. yaye... hmm as for my lovely dear... hugs him .. haha ... okae ... shall be off for my hwk
----------------
<3 u ,
the love is eating into my thoughts..

120th post.. hahah ... todae was a rather hectic dae .. napfa at e early morning 2.4km pass yaye .. den ss test i think i screwed it like mad .. den went to work .. kinda tired myself out .. rather sian .. hmm les and gordon came my house to sit sit .. hmmm while gg to tiong we saw miss tan wen yi and tt stupid mrs lee.. she ask me go back for guides lor .. its like so stupid lar in e end i nvr go cos i find it ptless.. i shall explainto both teachers on mondae... cried while working .. kind of stressed and stuff.. plus chito words made me cried like mad .. den they keep hoaxing me in e end ... haha .. met dear .. went supper .. haha .. he's so sweet... hmm kinda send a foto to his fone without him noticing it at first.. mwahahah.. yar.. my eyes gonna close .. dear gt locked outside of his house haha i am finding out why .. hahaa .. misses him ..mwhahahhaha

the 119th post .. alrite its 12 30 now and i cant get any ss thingy into my hed rather mental block for todae .. kindof messy wid worksheets and txt bk lying ard .. my hard work paid off mathematics gt 26/30 hapie enuff ... frm the everything for log i dun knw until i paid off all e effort to done every thing tt are suppoed to be understand and finallie did well .. i am happie =)) bt stil lmust continue working hard .. rather tired recently .. now even sleep also sleep until very unconscious lor .. like no feeling ike tt .. think too tired le.. haha .. yar... hmm gt loads to sae bt forget wher to start so once i get my head clear i will get everything posted up
-------------------------
<3<3<3 i decided to gib u all e <3 i have
and cherish u ... i lubb euu =)))

118th post ... lalala.. waiting for zhao lin to come .. he's slow or rather SUPER slow ... aniwae haha .. hmmm... gt lots to sae so i shall divide into parts
-----------------------------------------
alwaes when u get too close wid ur fren,someone stepped in u tend to lose the attention frm pple
nt saying i am selfish or wad. bt since she entered .. i seems to be neglected slowly by u, haha sounded like stead bt its fren lar, i treated both of them like frens lar, bt hai... aniwae i wanted to care for e both of u .. yet i dun knw where to start . one emotional unstable , am i supposed to get ur penknife and throw it away or something ? evryone asked . why u dun seems to care abt her? nt like i dun . bt i dunknw how to start stopping u frm doing tis , i walked thru a small period of tis be4 long long ago .. no offence bt as u past the time period at a pt of time u will see how foolish are u doing tis to urself .. i wanted to console u bt i doubt i will console u till u are alrite..*this portion is continued when i just finished my tuition* wadever i can do i can just give u the support u need lend u the listening ear u need alrite . as for another , u are doing the same thing as her , u get stress becos u dun knw hw to do ur work and family problems yes i understand its nt like i am nt gg thru the same thing bt yar its nt worth it doing tis harm to urself . if u reallie wanna get out of this buck up and give some things up becos of some things like ur cca or stuff its never easy bt u hafta do it , the onlie ting i can do to help u is to console u and help u in ur work other than that financial i just can help tt bit of money others i reallie cant help ani more. yar.... see wad am i getting everydae,
-----------------------
second thing , some how i think when i met on to this pt , i seems to neglect my frens for my studies , i wanted to go out wid them spending time wid them trying to close the neglecting part of me and them be it they neglect me or i neglect them ,bt tied up wid my tuition getting so wei nan abt my studies and my frens wad am i supposed to choose where am i supposed to give in to and sacrifice?
----------------------
3rd , its never easy managing studies together wid a part time job plus frens and stuff.
u can see me getting on well getting very hapie while i work bt its definitely tired after working and u still haf to force urself to do ur hwk ... its tough bt i am willing to go thru just a bit of sharing here and there for pt 3
----------------------
4th ricky's case
i am some how close to his frens making me awkard to dun knw hw to talk to them when me and him are getting on this stupid bad terms .things turn out to be like tis, cant change , i'll change myself my attitude towards u
--------------------
5th lun
i tink i am just afraid of the gap between us ... yup tt why must jia you to closen the gap .=)
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conclusion: life is full of problems , getting on well and not well at e same time in different part of life, counted good before i was so trapped wid cca and studies , things getting better bt nt in e frens part kind of neglected in both sides . other than that everything are doing fine, i am hapie i love my life , will i be able to change ur life too? who knoes =))
<3s

117th post.. its the one hundred and seventeenth post .. haha dun knw how long i had created tis nice blog larhhh wadever .. hehehe ... finallie finished my hwk ... rather rush lar did soem tys also if nt tml zhao lin kor sure scold me de... kind of tired.. ahhaha.. went out wid lun and frens=) haha copied them wearing black .. though i looks greeny wid my jacket on .. slacked ard kovan tgt wid his frens .. kind of crappy .. bt they are nice =) yeaps .. walked ard mrted hm he sent me hm .. keep asking me whether am i hungry .. hahah ... alrite .. i guess there is still gap between us .. closening the gap in progress bt nt to the extent of sooooo close larhhh ...hahahaha... hmm kind of find out more abt him while mrted hm ... =) lots of nice things hehehe heheheh... yar .. gtg sleep bt before that calling chee kian if nt he;'s gonna sae i bully him again .. he's bullying me lor .. aw... and i am craving for my nina ricci perfume and its like super expensive shall save for it .. i love that smell okay .. or maybe buy something as replacement be4 buying tt bt must check the price out .. wkakaka

116th post i guessed? as to reply to tt guy RTWK .. hmm .. yar lar i dun understand u i reallie dun understand u .. i am nt like MISS PEARLINE so close wid u for so long ? yar i dun wanna continue to sae ani mean words just to sae .. yes i irritated u why? cos u thinks so much bad of me make me irritate you lar can? wadever stupid things i am NOT going to get to carried by u and me used to be stuff .. had enough and tt's all .. yea u haf pearline for ur blog nt my business alr...
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had a rather hectic dae .. somehow nearly slept in kor kor's tuition cos went out earlier wid he usual sh gordon and tricia les , so nice sitting there listen to gordon sing playing sudoku wid tricia's handfone doing my work and teaching sh chinese... yar .. now i haf to rush my wrk to the extreme man! i miss bryan i miss tiff i miss alfred i miss the whole company when i saw e roadshow at clementi .. aw... i misses someone more than this few.. hehe ... <3s
--------------------------------
ehhhh.. something is missing ...
tt's u =)

115th post.. rather tired now .. gonna do some work be4 i sleep ... lun sent me hm after work =) wasnt feeling well .. stomach cramps he bought hot soya milk and the ming chiang kueh for me =) <3s rather surprise rather sweet =) haha he's so nice =) hehee ... kays ending here gonna rush the beloved hwk out

114th post i supposed.. had a realli bad dae.. i just wanna cry cry cry OUT LOUD! ... haiz .. rather emo .. saw pearline todae.. almost cried.. did alot of tings and alot of tings start happening also . tink i shant sae much nw .. rather tired ..

114th post le... went to bathe came back updating my blog again..
start examing my hand after todae's work .. i can conclude i scalded myself ten plus times , i accidentally tio cut by some sharp stuff ard 5 times .. and i am rather dead todae .. voice almost gone lar.. tired lor ... i amm too bo liao i can sae... haha .. tis work is tough bt fun .. at least ppl there are simple nt tt much stress dere unlike star hub everydae scared of customer complains and stuff.. and it seems like yoshi is the place where gather pple frm the same pri sch .. wkaka .. happened to haf 2 colleague is my ex schoolmate .. so qiao and my pri sch teachers are theirs .. wkakaka .. yea... so coincidence lor ... todae is a rather hectic dae for yoshi .. evryone work like mad ard 7 everyone gg dead liao ... alot of pple lor .. first time see the queue so long first time last hr actuallie earned 100 plus first time actuallie work until dead first time the miso bowl the ice and everyting went zero .. wakaka .. rather exaggerating bt when u work there u will believe.. hehe .. waited for lun for a while .. walked here and there wid him .. den he sent me hm .. rather pai sei cos he came vivo and waited for me ..in e end i make him send me hm .. aw.. he's a nice guy rather .=) met onto derrick and kenji and gang for like twice? once is they disturbed me second is while waiting for lun i saw them.. while lun send me hm .. reminds me of me and ricky walking hm while he sendin me .. hmm memories will still just be memories...
and the following paragraph will be my emo part

one week later its gonna be 14th.. u shld rmb wad day isit .. i can be happie when i see tt post in ur blog i can also be sad when i see tt .. i am happie cos u actuallie gg well wid her as frens or wad la... i shant be care abt it ... i am sad cos of the same reason .. i dun understand why cant u treat me like a fren like u treated her .. i dun understand why can u make me love u wid u saying u love me when u actuallie haf her instead of me in ur heart ..u wun understand the hurt u gave unless u are me experiencing it .. yes its for the good .. for YOUR good okay.. it may be for my good but the things i am supposed to go thru is so terrible .. at first i shld haf knew tis ting when we quarrelled abt her and u sided her .. u let me get crazy becos of u u make me feel his bad beco sof u and nw u dumped me in tis kind of shitty ting .. wad u tink u are larh ..i can give in to u aniting , while we were together i gave in slowly telling myself i acted like nth happened bt wads behind it crying and upsetting after tis sort of stufff...since it cant be changed i changed my attitude now i treat u as a fren wad u treat me as rubbish dump u attitude when u like to ..yes even if i am in e wrong ill never know .. why? cos u never said aniting abt it .. u want me to get over u ... yet u can give me attitude just becos i get so close wid zhi yong wid any other guys ... yet i cant get jealous or angry becos u talked to another girl get closed wid another girl just BEFORE MY EYES! wad fucked up ting u wanna me to accept ... i never scold tis kind of tings rather rarely yet u gt me so pissed tt i start geting tis out of my mouth .. do u knw hw hurting when i actuallie talked to u on e fone yet u give me those kind of stuff... never easy to forget u ... sorry is never a thing to cure tis kind of hurt .. let it be
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other than RICKY TANG WEI KOK
here goes for another person
if u are serious , i dun knw wad to do
i had enuff of hurting and stuff...
nt another one .. bt eh ...
words to be continued...
next episode please

dint went to bathe... yet ... gg to .. shld be quite happie yet down by his blog ... evil boi's blog .. u shld know wad ... i still mind abt u lar... stupid... u r alr nt mine yet i still get tis .. wadever lar... lun sent me home ... surprisingly=) haha... yeaps ... keep u guys updated lata ...

getting very emotional sooooonnnnnn!!!!!!!! a bit sot sot le... aniwaes .. yeaps ... dunknw wad to blog ... when i knw wad to blog i shall come back

its still like 5 daes to my pay... i am super duper uber wanting of the pay ... maybe nt paying my mum for tis mth tuition fee... cos i want it to buy some clothes to reward myself ... mwahah .. abit tired .. i wanna sleep my brain is dead for hwk ... aniwae just too lazy to hand up the newspaper reflection tml .. cos i SIMPLY DUN UNDERSTAND! my english is getting too poor for me to understand some chim chim things .. i am very tired reallie ... i gg to sleep soon ... 2dae went watch lengkee match .. happie for them as they reallie win their match =)) went to eat lunch wid my kor after tt ... happened to pass by mac and saw them they start disturbing zy abt me .. bt we are just frens onlie la... mrted to vivo wid kor kor and chat abt some stuff ... be it abt wei kok or other guys ... he's simply a nice kor tt actuallie i can talked to ... he accompanied me until i go to work ... super tired at workk eileen treated me seafood rolls .. gonna thank her like mad when i see her ... chito so disturbing todae .. haha .. bt he's cute after all ... =)) hmm .. yeap gonna sleep i cant stand le .. hw i wish i can take a mc for tml ...
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i still love him after all ...
i still cant forget abt him after all...
its 3 mths after all...
its so much sweet and sour after all...
i still care after all...
i still wanna be wid u after all...